Stressed About Wedding Planning? The ‘Let Them’ Theory Might Be Just What You Need.

If wedding planning has you feeling stressed, meet the mindset shift you didn’t know you needed: the "Let Them" theory.

If you are anything like me, all summer your feed has been filled with mentions of the “Let Them” theory. It’s like Mel Robbins’ best-selling book was under everyone’s Christmas tree.

If you are unfamiliar with the theory, here is the backstory: The "Let Them" theory was popularised by US motivational speaker Mel Robbins, but its origins trace back to a beautiful poem by Cassie Phillips. The essence of the theory is also deeply rooted in ancient philosophies like Buddhism and Stoicism, which teach the art of letting go of what you can’t control and finding peace within. It’s a simple yet powerful concept that’s stood the test of time, and it just so happens to be the perfect mindset for wedding planning.

If you’ve ever organised a wedding (or knee-deep in planning right now) you know what I’m talking about:  you’re trying to plan the wedding of your dreams, but your cousin still hasn’t RSVP’d, your mother-in-law has opinions about the seating chart, and your wedding party’s enthusiasm is somewhere between ‘meh’ and ‘non-existent.’ Sound familiar?

Mel Robbins talks about some adults having the emotional maturity of an 8yo and I can almost guarantee you will come across at least one person like that when you are planning a wedding! So, here’s where the "Let Them" theory comes in. It’s a simple idea that goes like this: if people want to behave a certain way, let them. Yep, that’s it. Let them. Don’t overthink it, don’t try to fix it, don’t lose sleep over it.

The important second part of the Let Them theory is "Let Me." This is where the magic happens. After you’ve let them do their thing, ask yourself: "What do I want to do now? What brings me peace, joy, or clarity?"  The idea is you let go of what you can’t control and lean into what you can.

Theory is all well and good, but I’m sure you are sitting here going, how does this apply to wedding planning? Here are some common scenarios and how the “Let Them” theory can help:

Someone You Love Can’t Attend:

"They can’t come to the wedding, and it really hurts."
Let them. People have their reasons: life, health, money, distance. Their absence doesn’t mean they don’t care.
Let me feel my feelings, then focus on celebrating with those who are there. You could always find a sweet way to include them, like a video call or a special mention in your ceremony or speech.

Your Wedding Party is Unenthusiastic:

“Why aren’t my they as excited as I am?”
Let them. Not everyone will match your level of excitement. That doesn’t mean they don’t love you.
Let me soak up the joy from the people who do show up with enthusiasm - or better yet, be my own hype squad.

Unsolicited Opinions:

"My aunt thinks I have to have a traditional church ceremony/ my family don’t like the reception venue/my bestie thinks a destination wedding is too expensive"
Let them. People will have opinions. They love sharing them. Let them.
Let me plan the ceremony/wedding that feels authentic to me and my partner. Full stop.

Family Drama Over Money:

"They’re contributing financially, but now they want control."
Let them. If they’re attaching strings, that’s their choice.

Let me decide if I’m okay with that or if I’d rather adjust the budget and keep creative control.

Seating Chart Headaches:

"But if I seat them together, they’ll be upset!"
Let them. Adults can handle being near people they might not vibe with for an evening.
Let me create a seating chart that works best for the flow of the event and my sanity.

Look, I’m a realist. I know when emotions (and family) are involved, it can feel a little simplistic to simply tell you to “Let Them” and I’m not the one that has to deal with the repercussions. But I have been there.

When I was planning my own wedding, there were many things that caused angst;

• We had a destination wedding and a close friend couldn’t attend as she was about to give birth and couldn’t travel.

• We were planning a cocktail style reception, and my family were very unsure about that.  

• Our reception failed to tell us a major event was happening out the front of the venue.

Ultimately, you can only take on a certain amount of emotional baggage and being given permission to let go of what you can’t control can feel like the best wedding gift ever!

When it comes down to it, when you combine "Let Them" with "Let Me," you get a beautiful balance:

• Less Stress: You’re not wasting energy on things outside your control.

• More Joy: You’re actively choosing what brings you peace.

• Stronger Boundaries: You’re setting the tone for your own happiness.

Using the “Let Them” theory when planning your wedding isn’t about being passive or selfish, ignoring people’s feelings or being dismissive. It’s simply about recognising that you can’t control everything, you don’t have to control everything and ultimately, you deserve some peace while planning your wedding.

Are you planning your wedding and looking for a celebrant that will work with you to tell your story in a warm, authentic way? Please enquire now for a no obligation chat to see if I am the celebrant for you.